We've all been there. Talking in church or where ever during a hand-shaking period. Go and find as many hands to shake and smile the whole time. That's just fine till you get guys who are determined to squeeze blood out of your fingertips!
Firm hand shake? Yes. But I think we've all had the experience where we extend our hand to have some guy crunch our bones. I want to know one thing whenever that happens; Dude, how do you turn shaking hands into a macho issue?
Here are some tips that are guaranteed to put at least two extra years on the life of your fingers. WARNING; not all these tips are classified under "good" church behavior.
1) Do on to others as they would like to do to you. Get the quick draw and make their pinkie touch their thumb! Watch as they walk off in defeat with their ogre hands in their pockets.
2) Watch for the BIG guys. If you see them coming and they want to shake your hand, know they're planning a homicide. Here's what you do; wait just till they're in range and give them a quick hug. Notice I said "quick." REALLY quick. Stick around too long and you'll find that "crumpled like a tin can" isn't so exaggerated after all.
3) Don't make eye contact. Wave from a distance.
4) Develop a sneezing fit, or pick your nose.
5) Develop a reputation as the person who carries an electric shocker.
6) Smear butter all over your hands.
8) Eat half a milk-dud and glue it onto the top of your hand so they think it's a mole.
9) Look at their hands and laugh as though you see something funny.
14 comments:
Lots of people seem to forget that I have TWO hands, even if I'm only shaking with one of them....:)
:)Ian(:
Curse! Thar goes my strategy! :)
This made me laugh...very good advice ;)
This post did make me laugh. It was excellent...not that I would get away with it in church..I'd probably mortify my mom.
-Judi
I've developed this list after going to church with a bunch of 18-21 year-old marines and military people....It's a matter of survival!
Spray your hands with some weird smelling colonge or perfume. Tell them you teach kindergarteners and you have glue all over your hands.
I like number 7. Classic!
By the way, the picture that looks like the guys shaking with both hands? That's a Marine on the right (I'm pretty positive, you can tell by the cammies), and that's how they hand out awards and what-not. Shake with the right, and then cross over the top with your left to accept whatever document/award/thing they're handing to you. And, try not to shake up and down with your left, else you'll confuse the individual handing you the document/award/thing!
That was so funny! Where'd you get that from? I loved that!
Sapphira
Just things I noticed from church.
Hi, Jamin. thanks for commenting on my blog. I know you're quite right, Christians don't intend to pose a threat. The Gospel is purely benevolent. It just makes interesting reflection, to think just how Jesus turned things upside down in His time on earth (the money changers' tables!) and Christianity still has that potentiial to the world. Sweeping away the grubby empires of the greedy. Best wishes with your writing. It is a God given gift, and ministry. Blessings to you.
Postscript: I forgot to say, I had a happy smile at your strategy for dealing with people who make a handshake into a crushing contest. It was good! Humour too is a God given thing. You probably know, science has shown that laughter is good for the health.
You had some great points on your post! Glad you liked mine, though it didn't have the same depthy as yours.:)
Funny! lol! I would try that at church, but it might not go over well. I like number 2. You have to do it really smoothly, though, and not too often or they'll catch on.
~Kiwifruit
Heehee! I LOVE that! Actually, I like to squeeze other people's hands instead of my fingers being crushed, but #2 is good advice :)
Post a Comment